My Favorite Memory (so far)

    I had gotten off work and had the next day off. It had been awhile since my last dose and decided to have some edible. (Don't remeber if it was a cookie or a brownie, but that doesn't matter.) (By this point in time, I was having them one a week to once every couple weeks.) Knowing how edibles affect me (most I can reliably, easily do is cook instant noodles or make a sandwich), I decided to set up for the night.

    There was a movie I had been wanting to watch and tonight was the perfect time to do so: One Piece: Stampede. I got everything ready for the night. Ate some edible (it took a little time to hit), ordered some Wingstop through DoorDash, and setup up the movie. Afterward, all that was left was do was to wait for the food to arrive and the edible to take affect. The edible started to hit a little bit before the food arrived. So once the food did arrive, I stumbled out of my room to get to the food. While receiving my food, the man spoke to me, but I wasn't able to retain it all of what he said. I believe it was something about why the food was late and something about the drink. I thanked him for the food and walked back inside. I then walked into my room and set up where I was going to be for the rest of the night. I had the computer in front of me and food and drink within reach. I turned off the light off in my room and with everything set up, I started the movie.

    Despite it not being long since I last watched One Piece, seeing the Strawhats almost felt nostalgic. Like seeing old friends. The movie's animation was incredible and it felt like a celebration of One Piece with how it brought most of the cast from the show into the movie. Past antagonists, side characters we hadn't seen in awhile. Most everyone was there. Then there was the action scenes. Incredible animation combined with the grand scale made everything bombastic. All this paired with my state of being made everything pop that much more. Then there was food. I got a 15 piece combo and a brownie. Ten medium and five Mango Habenero wings, regular fries, with a Sprite. Tasting the drink, I realized what he said: the staff put lemon into my Sprite, and it made it that much better. Altogether it is my favorite memory (so far).

Exploring The Self

You stare into the abyss and it stares back at you.

The quote goes something along those lines. Similarly with self-reflection. Except what is staring back at you is yourself. Your shadow self. The part of yourself you avert your eyes from for whatever reason. Fear, shame, guilt, etc.

Though you have to stare into the abyss. For some, longer than others. For some, deeper than others. Though you have to stare into the abyss to find the solution to whatever challenge you are having.

"No one accepts me." Do you accept yourself?

"I just can't let go of them." What part of yourself are you unwilling to let go of?

"I can't do anything right." Is that really true or is that a false narrative fed to you so often that you accepted it as your own?

Look within, be with yourself and get to know yourself. Only then can you find what you are looking for.

Finding Joy

Hi! I don't have a fiction or even nonfiction story for you this week. (Two weeks in a row '''=D)

So instead, allow me to share with you some recent introspection:

 

A new lesson - no... A new introspection I have come across is the namesake of this entry: What gives me joy? What do I enjoy...?

There's videogames and anime. Even working on videogames being part of my career (streaming and twitch youtube)... Thinking on it there's also writing... Cleansing raises my vibration... That's more grooming/self care than an activity I would do in my free time...

For years I focused on just survival. Make it day by day. "Just get through today"... And when I got to a place where I could find my joy, I had to heal from my previous chapter before I could even get there...

Though that's a tangent (and maybe a story for another day)... I forgot how to have fun... Or rather, I never had fun intentionally... I would simply be moved by the breeze of life into situations in which I'd have fun... Though thinking of it again, I did have fun intentionally. Just by myself...

Ah... Finding joy with yourself, within yourself, allows joy to come to you externally...