Be True to You

    My biggest lesson of 2023 is being true to yourself. Easier said than done. Especially if you don't fully know yourself or aren't in practice of it. Though it is my most valuable lesson this year.

    Being true to yourself means following the promptings of your soul. Whether that means something as big as quitting a job that inhibits you. Draining joy and energy from your life. Or doing what you love. Something that fills you with joy each time you do it.

    It also means standing strong in yourself. That could be clearly communicating boundaries, allowing you and others to better interact. It could be having to step out of the norm because what is normal for others may not be what's best for you.

    Taking this lesson forward, we can better craft our experiences. Enriching our lives and leaving no regrets to dwell on later.

   Thank for reading, and have a happy new year!

The Shadow Self

    The reflection of yourself you don't want to see let alone admit exists. It could be your anger which leads you to be destructive. It could be something you feel ashamed by, as you think others will judge you for it. Though you cannot be whole denying a part of yourself. Going about life with only parts of yourself means you're not fully living.

    Though to incorporate your shadow, you must look at yourself. All of yourself. "The good, the bad, the ugly". (Though if it's authentic, there can be beauty in it.) You must acknowledge that it is there. That it is a part of you. Often times after acknowledging it, it seems to shrink. Becoming less of some monster and more a simple aspect. From there you can assign it however it suits your life.

Alliteration: A

    An alliteration series? Absolutely. Upon anamnesis of an awe-inspiring alliteration, I agreed to arranged my own. As amazing as I can accomplish. Afterall, alliteration is simply articulately arranging alphabet accordingly. So come along down this new avenue and allow me these amusing assemblies. Arrivederci.

Victory

    Upon the behemoth's defeat, all the demons dispersed, no longer having a master to serve. The party looked around their emptied surroundings. The dust settled and the wind winded down. The only sounds that permeated the space was the panting breaths of those left standing.

    "We... We did it?" the rogue voiced, confused and relieved. The party looked to each in disbelief. While they had fought for this very outcome, the journey to it was long and arduous. The hero left the side of the fallen behemoth and walked to his party. With the rising sun behind him and his head hanging low, his face was cast in shadow. They stood in silence, waiting for their friend's response. The moment almost stretched to an uncomfortable length. Though, the hero lifted his head with a comforting, innocent smile shining from his face.

    "Yes... We made it," he simply answered. The three then looked to each other, smiles gleaming on all their faces.

    "Yes!" the rogue shouted, literally jumping for joy. Though upon landing, he promptly collapsed, exhausted from the dragged out battle. The swordsman smirked as he leaned on his sword, equally exhausted.

    "Thank goodness," the mage commented, leaning on her staff. The air around seemed to become lighter and grow brighter with the sunrise.

    The hero then collapsed on the ground and for a split second the party worried for his health. Though upon looking at his face, their worries were cleared. For a smile adorned his face and restful breathing cascaded from him. The rest of the party shared laughter and gazed upon the rising sun.

Blank

The man stared blankly at the page before his eyes, his mind unable to conjure anything. He tried to visualize events that would flow with what came before, but nothing fit. Like an ill fitting puzzle piece. The man stared so long at the page he could feel it staring back, its emptiness, blankness, seeing into his being. The man tried distancing himself from the work, hoping inspiration would give a surprise visit like it normally did.

Days went by. Then weeks. The man carried on with his business. Until inspiration finally struck. An outpouring not unlike an opening flood gate. He poured his creativity into his craft, creating more than he had in weeks, maybe even months.

What once was blank, was now a carefully crafted tapestry.

The Past

The past is a spectral textbook of experiences and lessons. Though not all that's within needs to be kept. Often times, great detail is put upon the pain from the experiences.

Highlight the lessons.

The past is a ghost that will forever haunt. Memories and experiences being its driving force. All while unable to affect your present or future. Though it will always threaten to. Whether or not you let it is up to you.

Horrifying Halloween

    To those who celebrate, happy Halloween! Last year, I wrote a Halloween Special short story. This year, I'll share with you my most memorable Halloween. Enjoy!

    I was a 6 or 7 years old and over a friend's house. At the time, I was apart of a social group and we had gathered at this friend's house. After some food and watching some cartoons, we went out trick or treating around his neighborhood. His little sister and another friend joined us as well as a couple parents for supervision. Even as a kid, I knew that the spooky decorations on people's front yards were just that: decoration. I didn't let it deter me from getting candy. We would walk around, see if the front porch light was on (a sign that they had candy to give out) and go up to it. "Trick of treat!" we would say upon the door opening for us. The person at the door would say something, either about our costumes or something general, and then give us candy. After getting the candy we'd say thank you and then move on to the next house. After a few houses, I had gotten into a nice routine. 

   We then stopped by one house. It didn't have much in terms of decoration. It just had some gravestones and one stand out decoration. A body in a dusty bed. I thought to myself that it was cool. I followed the routine and then walked away... Only to hear a chainsaw after getting a few feet away. In that second, I took in my surroundings. I saw the other kids running away as well as the dummy body, now standing and wielding a chainsaw. We all screamed with the chainsaw's revving in the background. While I running, I thought back to horror movies and thought of one of the biggest rules. Never look back. The characters in the movies always got killed because they looked back. We ran for several houses before slowing down. We stopped by another house or two for more candy. Though my friends and I didn't walk up to one thoroughly decorated house, still scared from the chainsaw house. His little sister did though. His mom made a comment about her being brave enough to go up to the house while we stayed back. Come to find out after the fact, his mom knew about the house and the chainsaw didn't even have the chain on it. To this day, that I can still clearly hear the chainsaw and remember the screaming and running. I can look back and laugh now.

Start of the End

     "No... No, no, no..." The man looked on in disbelief as the crowd that once cheered him for his victories, boo'd and jeered him for this one.

    "I did what I was supposed to do!" he frantically started. "I took out the bad guy! Had I not done that-" before he could finish his sentence, a rock hit his head. While there was no external wound nor pain, the rock hit harder than any past foe could. It wasn't long before that rock was followed by a dozen others. He floated down to the earth, slack-jawed as he was pelted by stones and belittlements.

    "You're no hero! Look at what you've done!"

    "Look around! You think this is what a good guy would do?!"

    "You're no better than that villain!"

    While his exterior allowed for great durability, he had crumbled internally. Unable to face anymore of this abuse from those he's protected, he took off running. Faster than any could catch him. Further than any could find him. By the time he stopped, he found himself in a cave. He was unable to catch his breath. His world wouldn't stop spinning. Even as he collapsed onto the cold, stone ground, it wouldn't stop spinning... He laid there, unable to catch his breath, the event constantly replaying in his mind as he searched for any other way it could have gone. Though instead of an alternate way the event could have gone, he instead found an alternate version of himself...

Ending

    The young man raised his head, a crazed bloodlust gleaming in his eyes. The soldiers that surrounded him all shuddered, feeling the young man's energy, sensing their impending death. Though before anyone could make a conscious decision to flee or stand their ground, their heads had already been separated from their bodies. Blood dripped off of the young man's claws. The young man's smile translated what his eyes already portrayed. From that point onward was only blood, death, and the bloodcurdling screams of the soldiers.

A/N: Jeesh this is dark. Originally written in 2021

Descent

    Two characters stood in dank, dark cave. One wore a plaid button shirt and with jeans. One wears tattered clothes with an equally tattered cloak. All black, though not from intentional design, but a power warping his whole appearance. The most prevalent features being the razor teeth, the circles in his eyes, and a horn protruding from his head. He wore a look of shock and confusion upon his face.

    "I'm the bad guy...?" The question hung in the air like a corpse from a tree. "After all I've done, all I've given up... I'm the bad guy?" Fury, grief, and betrayal bubbled up to the surface in his last sentence. "I dedicated my life to helping others. To give to others what was never given to me." A growl rose in his voice as his feelings rose. "And you have the nerve to call me 'the bad guy'?!" The energy that twisted him into his current form began to emanate and waft around him.

    The man who stood before him unconsciously took a step back. The cloaked man darted within a breath of the other man. Being within each others space, face-to-face, the only places they could look were each others' eyes. The plaid man stared into the eyes of the twisted man and saw an abyss stare back. "Where do you think you're going?" An unsettling stillness was present in the twisted man's voice and presence. The plaid man was unable to speak, his voice caught in his chest. An unsettling smile then crossed the twisted man's face.

    "You know what... I'm done. I'm done doing what is best for others. Done catering to other people. Time to do what I want, what is best for me...! Starting with this!" The twisted man suddenly lunged at the man in plaid. To sudden for the man to even let out a scream... The only thing left of that man was a bloody stained piece of plaid cloth.

Free

I am free

Free from the expectations of others

Free from the weight of others opinions

Free from the voices in my head that aren't my own

Free to live how I choose

Free to make own decisions

Free to go after what I want

I am free to be me

Tortured(?)

    A man was bound to a chair, bloodied and beaten. His head hung low and his breathing was slow and raspy. He was sat in an abandoned building, with the only light coming from sparse fluorescent lights. Footsteps echoed through the abandoned building as another man approached. He wore a suit and was stone-faced as he looked upon the bound man.

    "Are you willing to talk?" The suited man questioned. The man in the chair scoffed and raised his head,  facing the suited man with a smile.

    "Yeah... Yeah, I'm willing to talk..." The suited man slightly puffed up at his achievement.

    "Though," the interruption stopped the suited man, "there was a faster, more efficient way to make me talk." The suited man seemed intrigued. "You could have threatened to delete my videogame process." The intrigue on the suited man's face deflated and a scowl replaced it. He drew closer to the bound man, irritation radiating off of him.

    "Talk." You could tell the suited man had no more words for the bound man.

    "Alright... Alright..." The suited man tilted his head. Was it from curiosity? Intrigue? A deeper inspection of the bound man? It was hard to tell. The bound man then took a deep breath.

    "Man... Yo breath stank. Smelling like you been licking hobo ankles. Yo shoes dirty, shirt wrinkled. Yo hair matted - looking like rats made a nest up. You're so raggedy, you make crumpled paper look neat."

    The suited man took a long pause. His expression indiscernible. Did this sudden roasting push him past his limit? The suited man suddenly burst out laughing. A hearty laugh that came from deep within. A laugh that melted tension within the suited man. This response surprised the bound man, disturbing him more than if the man snapped at him. While stilling laughing, he then placed his hand on the bound man's shoulder.

Potential

That kernel of light which shines so bright

Shining brightest in the young and the wounded

That kernel could bloom into something as grand as a world tree

Or be a simple oak tree that shelters those in need

That's the beauty of potential

Of that shining kernel that could bloom into anything

A rainbow of possibilities

A multitude of magnitudes

Endless branching pathways

As Foretold: The Prophecy

    Three decades before I was born... A prophecy was told by the kingdom's sage before the entire populace of the capital...

    A warrior of great power will rise from the dust of the kingdom... This warrior will wield light which will guide the kingdom to a bright future..."

    Hearing these words, the kingdom's people rejoiced, interpreting the prophecy as one of hope. An end to the rampage of monsters. Word of the prophecy spread across the kingdom and even to the people of the tribes.

    Though looking upon the face of the sage, it could be seen, that there was more to the prophecy than what he had stated...

As Foretold: The Legend

    The kingdom was once at peace as a collection of tribes, living in harmony with the environment around them... Though suddenly, nature birthed horrendous creatures which craved destruction. These monsters rampaged across the kingdom. Stomping villages off the map, feeding upon humans and their crops, leaving nothing behind but destruction and death in their wake... Humans fought back of course, but were no match for the supernatural might and large number of the monsters... However one day, a young warrior rose up. Wielding a sword which descended from the heavens. With the combined might of him and his blade, he slew hordes of the monsters, forcing them back. It is said that once he passed, he was buried with his blade and the monsters built a dungeon around him. To try and stop another hero from emerging and slaying hordes once more...

    I stared up starry-eyed at my mother. "Wow... Do you think another hero will appear?"

    My mother gave me a gentle smile. "Of course." She then stood up. "Sleep well, my young warrior."

Rapid Fire Greetings

    This surprise lightning round of greetings happened either in between periods or at lunch when I was a freshman in highschool. I was walking down a pathway and I saw the girl I had a crush on at the time. I had said hi to her, though she didn't hear me. Instead, another girl from a different class did. I greeted her in kind. Though another girl from another class responded. I greeted her as well. And another. And another. It almost felt coordinated, but was too random to be. By the end I felt like a cartoon character who had spun around too much. Whirly eyes and all. While the moment could have only last less than minute, the memory has lasted me years.

Discipline

    Some years back I made a poem titled Control. It was one of my earlier works and you can tell my relationship with control at the time. Though for now, I want to focus on one part of the poem.

    "Controlling your self to be your best self. Though all you control is how destructive your outburst will be."

    I confused holding yourself back with being disciplined. In holding yourself back, you don't allow yourself to authentically be. Hiding what could serve others and what others could find beautiful about you. While being disciplined is shaping yourself into what you want to be. The same way a sculptor shapes a slab of marble into a beautiful sculpture.

    In reflection of my own discipline, I remembered that line and wanted to give my updated perspective.

(Also, while giving my updated perspective, I would replace the word mastery with flow in that same poem.)

Balance

    Life is one big balancing act. You might have heard that phrase before. It's one I've been coming across both in the media I consume as well as in my life.

    Balancing between isolation/solitude and extroversion/socialization. Balancing seeking for yourself and asking for help. Balancing being indulgent and being disciplined.

    Learning to balance what you have as well as the choices you make will be an ongoing thing as life is ever changing.

It Might Just Be A "No"

    Media often portrays and glorifies overcoming numerous odds. Pushing past hurdles and obstacles to get to what you want. Though all that resistance you are facing might be there for a good reason.

    For example, one birthday as a kid, my mom and I left the house for Disneyland later than planned. Come to find out, had we left the house earlier, we would have been caught up in a accident that happened. Or even my "CSI!" story. Had my mom and I stayed at that park who knows what would have happened to us.

    Most recently, I planned on going to my local bar. I heard the wings are good and I could stand to go out more. The first night I thought of it, I felt resistance and opted out. Going with other option A week later, I tried once more, though right when I was about to go out, I couldn't find my wallet. I looked for an hour or two, with no luck. Though once it was the end of the night and I was about to head to sleep, I felt my wallet under my pillow.

    So when you feel resistance to a plan or a goal, it just might be a no.

P.S. I've got a big story coming up ;). You can expect it in a week or two.

One of My Favorite 4th of July's

I have had multiple I enjoyed, but I'm going to share the first one I experienced. (I might share the others in due time.)

I believe I was ten years old. I believe my Moon mentioned fireworks would be visible from in front of the apartment complex we lived in. I went out ahead of my mom to see the fireworks. When I reached the spot, I found a few others also there to see fireworks.

It wasn't long before the fireworks started. Though to my pleasant surprise you could see three shows from that one spot. One to the east (straight ahead of us), the north (past the valley edge, probably coming from the presidential library) and the south (to our right). To the east or south was a school doing the fireworks show. Not sure of the other source.

Getting to see three fireworks shows at once was an incredible sight. Eventually my mom joined me near the end. Us, a family or two, and a couple or two. Three shows, three finales. The first of multiple great fourth of July's.

I don't particularly celebrate the holiday, but I enjoy the fireworks, memories, food, and most importantly: the company.

Happy 4th of July! Or as I call it: Barbeque day lol.

Update

 Yo! I don't have a story this week. I've been adjusting to new changes in my life. I recently got a 9 - 5 job. I've been going out more often. Also I've shifted how I go about my career. I was streaming and writing (along with all that comes with that). Now I've narrowed it down to simply writing. (Will potentially get back to narrating my stories, so keep and eye out for that.) I should have a story (or two) ready for next week. See you there!

My Birthday Weekend

    Months prior to my birthday, my mom and her friends planned a trip out of town. The trip was to Funk Fest; a celebration of black music. Since it was on my birthday weekend, my mom offered to take me with her. I accepted.

    Day One

    I initially woke up at 8:58. I had only fallen asleep four hours prior. I took a nap at 11:30 which extended to 1:45. Having pushed our leave so close (2pm), we simply left. After a couple hour drive, we made it to our hotel. I freshened up, changed into my favorite outfit (Grey sleeveless hoodie with Grey sweatpants), and we headed to where Funk Fest was held: Waterfront Park. I soon had the chicken taco special from a good truck (Chicago Jerk Chicken). The special was three chicken tacos with chips and salsa. With a satisfied stomach, I could focus on enjoying the concert.

    Being at a concert as an introvert (especially when most of the music played is at least a decade older than you) was interesting, to say the least. I love music and love the songs I recognized and even some I didn't. My highlights being Tahjena, Juvenile, Slick Rick, and the fireworks show. Tahjena performed well even with technical difficulties and has a great voice. There were some minor annoyances (DJ would talk over the songs and wouldn't let really good songs just play), but overall I had fun.

    After the concert at 11, we headed back to the hotel. Though we had to make a few detours for reasons I'll explain. First, Ma wanted to check out the area her friends were staying in. They had mentioned they were close to stores and restaurants. Though on our way to the area, we came across the site of an accident. I didn't get to see much. Only a broken motorcycle, though Ma saw more. Two bodies. One that someone was working on resuscitating and another that no one was working on. After we passed the site, we saw several emergency vehicles making their way to the site. We eventually made it to her friends' area. After checking it out, we were on our way back to our hotel. Though we couldn't go back the way we came. The way was blocked off. We had to make our way around the site.

    Then came the second detour: we were hungry. Ma more so than me since I at least had the tacos. She didn't eat anything at the concert. Since it was so late, our options were limited. It came down to Waffle House and White Castle. We drove around, searching for at least one of the two. We passed both as we made our way back to the hotel, so we knew they were close. We first found a Waffle House, but it was packed. We decided against that and searched for a White Castle. Though, we couldn't find it. We had just passed it prior to our search for food, but couldn't find it now. We then went back to the Waffle House just to find it closed. Passing it, we went back to looking for a White Castle. Eventually we found one.

    When we found it, the drive through line was lengthy. Ma then suggested seeing if the inside was open. I checked and to my pleasant surprise, it was. I then offered to get our food. Though the wait inside might have been longer than if we just ordered from the drive through. I probably spent about thirty minutes waiting for our food and ten to fifteen just waiting for an item they had forgotten Though I eventually got our food and Ma and I headed back to the hotel.

    We finally made it back around 1 or 2, ate our food, and then promptly went to sleep.

    Day Two

    Neither of us slept fully. Ma woke up at 4:30 and couldn't go back to sleep. Meanwhile, I woke up at 6:30 and then 7:30. From 7:30 I stayed up a couple hours before falling back to sleep. When I was woken up, it was 10:40. Twenty minutes before check out time. I quickly showered and we checked out the hotel. We then pondered our next move. Going with the flow, we landed on having Zaxby's for breakfast. This would be my first (but definitely not last) time having Zaxby's. We ordered our food to go and made our way to the Waterfront Park.

    We made our way to downtown Louisville and drove around seeing the sights and searching for a good parking spot. We passed a museum, the community arts center, and the Muhammed Ali Museum. We eventually found a great parking spot right up the street from the park. We sat there for an hour or two. Eating, watching whatever she put on her phone, and overall chillin'.

    What we each ordered from Zaxby's was their Wings and Things combo. Three chicken tenders, 5 wings, a slice of their toast, their fries, and we both got their sweet tea for our drink. I got their Sweet and Spicy flavor wings and Ma got their Buffalo wings. Everything was delicious. You could tell the tea was freshly brewed. The seasoning on their fries and chicken tenders was delicious. And the wing flavors we got had great flavor. Even the toast was good. Prior to eating Zaxby's, I had been going to Raising Cane's. Both places are very similar, having nearly identical menus. I had heard of Zaxby's and only heard good things. After eating their food, I now understand why.

    Once it was close to time for the concert doors to open, Ma and I made our way to the park. We got their on time... Though the doors didn't open for about 30 minutes. All of us who were line had to deal with standing in the hot sun. Eventually the lines got moving and we entered the park.

    I was more anxious this day than I was the prior day. Still not sure why. Could be because I sensed that this day would be different from the previous one. The crowd was much larger. The pauses between the performances were lengthier. I was aware of the imperfections of the concert. Later during the concert someone went missing. And when the concert was over you could see all the trash that people left behind. You had to actively watch your step to not step in a carryout box or kick over a can.

    Though when we did get the performances, they were great. My highlights this time being Cameo and Fantasia. Cameo and his band did their thing and Fantasia was worth the wait, easily being my favorite performance of my time at Funk Fest.

    After the concert was over, Ma and I waited in the car till traffic died down. Once it did, we made our way back home. We first had to stop at a gas station for fuel for us and the car. Ma got coffee and I got a dragon fruit Slushie and Doritos Dinamite chips. (One of my favorite snacks and not all that common.) The trip home took about two or three hours with us reaching home at 2:42 AM. I showered and promptly went to sleep.

    And that was my birthday weekend. Now 22 years old. Really enjoyed my time.

Might

    A lone warrior stood amidst a nest of demonic beings devoid of light. They snarled, hissed, and gnashed their teeth at the warrior. The warrior stood strong having already faced many of their kind. He tightened his grip on his sword, ready to cut down more of his adversaries.

    The first one leapt at the warrior only to be cut in half. The first one initiated an all out frenzy of claws, blood, and iron. Though none of the blood that spilt that night was the warrior's. One by one, ten by ten, the monstrous bodies littered the ground beneath the warrior. All the while the warrior was silent, cutting down the waves of monsters. Each wave grew in size of the monsters. By the time the warrior noticed this, the monsters were already three times his size. His slashes became more focused for these large foes, cutting vessels and tendons, slashing off limbs. 

    By the end of this hellish onslaught, there was no more ground to be seen. Only the bodies of demons cut down by our warrior. An earth shaking howl erupted from the other side of the chamber. The warrior wiped the blood from his blade and continued towards two giant doors. He opened the doors revealing a giant chamber with only one thing inside. A giant demon with bat-like wings, horns that could tear full grown cattle in half, and a mouth full of teeth that could tear though most armor.

My Take on Social Media

Social Media is not good for you. It's entertaining, yes, though the longer you spent on it, the worse it is for you.

Think of it as a roller coaster for your mind. A lot of stimulus that's really fun in that burst. Though when you're on it for too long, the good feeling fades and you start feeling really unwell.

Worse yet, it's addictive. When the good feelings fades, instead of stopping the ride (so to speak), you keep going searching for that good feeling again. Next thing you know, hours have gone by and you spent it staring at your screen.

Though like I said earlier, it is entertaining and fun in short bursts. My advice would be, if you're going to be on it, just be mindful and only do it in short bursts.

My Favorite Memory (so far)

    I had gotten off work and had the next day off. It had been awhile since my last dose and decided to have some edible. (Don't remeber if it was a cookie or a brownie, but that doesn't matter.) (By this point in time, I was having them one a week to once every couple weeks.) Knowing how edibles affect me (most I can reliably, easily do is cook instant noodles or make a sandwich), I decided to set up for the night.

    There was a movie I had been wanting to watch and tonight was the perfect time to do so: One Piece: Stampede. I got everything ready for the night. Ate some edible (it took a little time to hit), ordered some Wingstop through DoorDash, and setup up the movie. Afterward, all that was left was do was to wait for the food to arrive and the edible to take affect. The edible started to hit a little bit before the food arrived. So once the food did arrive, I stumbled out of my room to get to the food. While receiving my food, the man spoke to me, but I wasn't able to retain it all of what he said. I believe it was something about why the food was late and something about the drink. I thanked him for the food and walked back inside. I then walked into my room and set up where I was going to be for the rest of the night. I had the computer in front of me and food and drink within reach. I turned off the light off in my room and with everything set up, I started the movie.

    Despite it not being long since I last watched One Piece, seeing the Strawhats almost felt nostalgic. Like seeing old friends. The movie's animation was incredible and it felt like a celebration of One Piece with how it brought most of the cast from the show into the movie. Past antagonists, side characters we hadn't seen in awhile. Most everyone was there. Then there was the action scenes. Incredible animation combined with the grand scale made everything bombastic. All this paired with my state of being made everything pop that much more. Then there was food. I got a 15 piece combo and a brownie. Ten medium and five Mango Habenero wings, regular fries, with a Sprite. Tasting the drink, I realized what he said: the staff put lemon into my Sprite, and it made it that much better. Altogether it is my favorite memory (so far).

Exploring The Self

You stare into the abyss and it stares back at you.

The quote goes something along those lines. Similarly with self-reflection. Except what is staring back at you is yourself. Your shadow self. The part of yourself you avert your eyes from for whatever reason. Fear, shame, guilt, etc.

Though you have to stare into the abyss. For some, longer than others. For some, deeper than others. Though you have to stare into the abyss to find the solution to whatever challenge you are having.

"No one accepts me." Do you accept yourself?

"I just can't let go of them." What part of yourself are you unwilling to let go of?

"I can't do anything right." Is that really true or is that a false narrative fed to you so often that you accepted it as your own?

Look within, be with yourself and get to know yourself. Only then can you find what you are looking for.

Finding Joy

Hi! I don't have a fiction or even nonfiction story for you this week. (Two weeks in a row '''=D)

So instead, allow me to share with you some recent introspection:

 

A new lesson - no... A new introspection I have come across is the namesake of this entry: What gives me joy? What do I enjoy...?

There's videogames and anime. Even working on videogames being part of my career (streaming and twitch youtube)... Thinking on it there's also writing... Cleansing raises my vibration... That's more grooming/self care than an activity I would do in my free time...

For years I focused on just survival. Make it day by day. "Just get through today"... And when I got to a place where I could find my joy, I had to heal from my previous chapter before I could even get there...

Though that's a tangent (and maybe a story for another day)... I forgot how to have fun... Or rather, I never had fun intentionally... I would simply be moved by the breeze of life into situations in which I'd have fun... Though thinking of it again, I did have fun intentionally. Just by myself...

Ah... Finding joy with yourself, within yourself, allows joy to come to you externally...

Separate Ways

    Chaos. That was the only way you could describe the battlefield. A cacophony of screams and shouts, blades clashing, and pain. I was just another warrior in the ocean of combat. Cutting down those that came before me. A never-ending swarm. Though as I fought, I eventually clashed with another. The clanging metal rang through me. Someone who could properly stand against me? I had nearly forgotten what that felt like. We then battled against each other; parrying, dodging, and swinging our blades. All while never properly landing a critical blow. I had met my match.

    We clashed once more, this time truly looking each other in the eye. We shared a moment of recognition for each other's skill. Though I then saw someone attempting to intervene in our duel. I then parried my opponent's blade and slashed the intruder. I turn back to my match only to see they had done the same to someone else. Recognizing each other's actions, we continued to battle those around us. We cut down dozens around us while seamlessly maneuvering around each other. Eventually, a large foe with an equally large club entered the mix. His presence seemed to deter those around him like an insect repellent. Despite his size, he swung awfully quick, nearly striking us. We dodged opposite ways and his focus shifted to my match. He proceeded to rapidly swing at my match. A wave of protectiveness rolled through me, but before I could enter their fight, another warrior swung at me. I spun around the attack and countered with my own swing landing true. Though like flies, more combatants attacked me. I was being dragged back into the buzzing cacophony. I took a deep breath before decisively carving through the buzz. I made it back to my match's duel with the giant right as another was about to intrude. With his attention on my match, I was able to land a definitive blow upon him. Back into the mix, the giant charged toward us.

    We proceeded forward, taking on the giant from opposite sides. We moved around him like a tornado, repeatedly slashing him when his focus shifted from one to the other. He eventually lashed out, swinging wildly, hitting anything he could. In his frenzy, many warriors fell. The best we could do was continually stay out of his wide range. We then looked to each other, a plan formulating in our minds. After a short conversation of glances, we charged forward. The giant, having spent some of his anger and energy, moved a bit slower than before, making his swings easier to track. I made the first move, parrying his swing, and creating an opening. My match continued off that move, closing in on him. He pulled back from the swing, cocking his arm back to bring his club down. I followed my match's suit, moving in for our final move. The giant brought down his club, though I once again parried, allowing my match to open his throat. This final slash seemed to resonate throughout the battlefield, causing everyone to come to a halt. The giant stumbled about, his trying to delay his fate. Though the inevitable happened and he fell. His fall caused a tremor that all those in close vicinity felt. Silence echoed through the battlefield. I looked back to my match and they looked back at me. Locking eyes, we crossed our blades. The clang of metal could be heard throughout. With that ringing, we went our separate ways.

CSI!

    It was a gray summer day in my hometown. My mom and I were just lounging in our living room doing our individual hobbies. She then brought up how we hadn't gone camping in awhile. After I agreed with her, she then asked if I wanted to go camping. After saying yes, she booked a spot at a campsite. We got ready, packing camping supplies. While we were packing the car, I then looked up at the sky noticing how gray it was. I thought to myself, "It's gonna rain". That was the first of many signs that we weren't supposed to go camping.

    We then headed out, making our way to the campsite. Though on the way, we noticed the car was smoking. That can't be good, we both thought. We pulled over to a gas station and Ma checked under the hood. Come to realize, she just forgot to put the cap back on the oil. Not as grand as gray skies, though still a second sign.

    We then made it to the mountain where the campsite was. Though as we were heading up the mountain, the car malfunctioned. We pull over once more. As we are on the side of the road I then bring up if we're coming across so many obstacles, it's a sign we're not supposed to be doing this. Though the way I phrased was not in the words of a child. I didn't know where that came from. She acknowledged what I said, though we continued nonetheless. The third sign, this time with acknowledgement.

    We then got lost. The sun had fallen for the day, making the mountain roads that more confusing. Not only did we not know how to get to the camp, now we didn't know how to leave. To make matters worse, my mom then saw an animal crossing the road. I didn't get to see it, though it was nothing she could identify. Fourth and possibly fifth signs.

    We then cut our losses and found a way out. Though as we found our way back to the base of the mountain, we then saw bright lights and multiple vehicles. When we got closer, we then saw what was written on the side of one of the vehicles: CSI. This truly shook me. Initially, I was in disbelief. CSI? Criminal Science Investigation? Maybe it's just the TV show crew. Though all the signs (and my intuition) pointed to it being the actual CSI. As we rolled past and stopped by the nearest gas station, Ma then joked "We can still go camping" to which I simply replied... "CSI!" We laughed, ate the food we had gotten earlier (chinese and trail mix), and then made our way home.

Bloom

    I had been buried. Buried in past situations, outdated actions, and curdling emotions... Endlessly this trauma-fueled trio looped, drowning me like a whirlpool. This suffocating loop threatened to keep me buried in darkness. I attempted to drag myself from the pits but the past weighed me down. Again and again I climbed, pushed, grasped for the surface... Only for the weight of the trauma to drag me back down to the depths.

    There were times when I was pulled back down that I pondered staying down. Why keep fighting? Why keep struggling? Why not make my home in this darkness? Why do I have to fight this hard while others seem to still thrive with their darkness...? So I let myself stay down there. The crushing darkness weighing me down further and further. Though upon hitting a new low, experiencing new depths of suffering, I refused it. I refused to continue to experience that low and my resolve recovered. I pushed back, making the climb once more.

    After repeating the cycle so many times, an epiphany occurred to me: let go of the past. Let go of all the falsehoods placed on myself. The miseducation, the voices of others, and patterns instilled through trauma. I did just that, bit by bit, piece by piece, and released the past which weighed me down. Past pain: Released. Past relations which continued the loop: Released. Past behaviours: Released. Finally it came down to one last thing for me to release: My past self... I do just that... It was the most difficult thing to release. Releasing something you were so comfortable with... Though I did it nonetheless.

     Upon that final release, my climb transformed into flight, soaring to the surface. Who knew you could feel so light? Who knew you could feel so free? Eventually I reached the surface, but soon transcend far higher than it. Feeling how light I was, I realized the goal I had striven for was simply the beginning of my flight... It was then I remembered a powerful quote: "No tree can grow to heaven unless it's roots reach down to hell."

How I Came Up With Showdown

     This was inspired by an Instagram audio I heard from Moonhooch. When I was listening to it, admittedly, the first thing that came to mind was an edit or a scene of Yujiro walking out to this music. So, I originally was going to just write what I saw, a champion - the strongest - walking into an arena to fight Baki. But, I then realized writing just that felt... Incomplete. I had to also write something for the challenger. What I originally had in mind was to write two short stories introing the the champion and the challenger. Though as I was doing so, the inspiration and idea ballooned into the final product. Showdown in one of my favorite short stories that I've written.

    (Also, I'll be uploading an actual story next week. Been a long time coming.)

Static Change

    Times ever change and yet remain the same. Like the water flowing through a river. It may change the shape of the river and go through many states, but the water itself remains the same. The very same goes for people and their customs. Dancing: expression through movement, music: expression through sound, and even the moral standings/issues of people... The way they're presented may change (the river), but the content (the water) stays the same.

My Favorite Short Stories So Far

So far my favorite short stories (that I've written) are Claiming the Throne, Showdown, Long Journey, Exaggerated Story, and Combat Kings. (In that order.)

    Claiming the Throne I feel epitomizes my short stories. Or at least, what I want them to be. Something, short but impactful that can be widely interpreted by the audience.

http://jalenssstories.blogspot.com/2022/08/claiming-throne.html

 

    I had a lot of fun writing Showdown and poured quite a bit into it. Which you tell by its length. It's my longest short story to date with me needing two weeks to complete it. Though nonetheless, it was fun, in my specialty of fight scenes and I feel I displayed my writing prowess in it. As I did the short stories in my top 5. (Not that any of my short stories are bad. I wouldn't release any I wasn't proud of. Check out some of my older ones. Give them some love.)

http://jalenssstories.blogspot.com/2022/10/showdown.html

 

    Long Journey will have a special place in my heart because it was pure inspiration and my first short story I ever posted. Admittedly, Long Journey was inspired by a vision I had while meditating. So I meant it when I said pure inspiration. I'm also quite fond of how each person gets something different out of it.

http://jalenssstories.blogspot.com/2020/02/long-journey.html

    Next up, Exaggerated Story. Another one I had fun with. As the title suggests, it's a true story that I exaggerated. To quote someone who influenced me "Nuff said".

https://jalenssstories.blogspot.com/2020/04/exaggerated-story.html

 

    Lastly, Combat Kings. Yet another I had fun with and was in my specialty of fight scenes. It was a much earlier product of my writing, released within the first year of the blog. Looking back at it and Sword Fight, another early product, you can kind of see the foundation for Showdown. As one of the predecessors of my writing, it earned a spot in this top five.

https://jalenssstories.blogspot.com/2020/03/combat-kings.html

The Finer Things

    It had been a long day and I had finally gotten the opportunity to slow down. I walked into my living room to sit on my velvet throne in front of my fireplace. Though before I sat down, I remembered my wine collection and sought after it. After combing through my collection and finding the perfect wine to pair with my tastes, I poured myself a glass and went back to my velvet throne. The heat and crackling of the fireplace paired with the smooth rich flavor of the wine, released the tension from my muscles.

    Soon my partner walked in from our bedroom. I must have awakened her. Or she simply sensed I'd arrived home. That woman's timing was always impeccable. She slowly sashayed towards me in her blue satin pajamas. A sly grin crossed my lips as she approached. Once she closed in on me, she feinted a kiss and instead took my glass of wine, imbibing in it herself. She slowly sashayed away before stopping and signing for me to follow. The sly grin widened into a full-bodied smile before I got up and eagerly followed.

Update

 Yo! Doubt anyone will see this, but I'm gonna switch up what I've been doing... Well, lack thereof lol. I do still love storytelling and writing, I've just been very stuck in my head. I won't bore you with the details. What I want to say is that I just be sharing stories from my life. Funny instances, memorable moments, and some stuff that impacted me. I may still write some short stories if I feel inspired to. Thank you for your time :D

My Most Important Lessons (so far)

"Anything and everything is possible"

The importance of this phrase is how it opened me up to the wonderful possibilities (miracles) of life... Anything is possible. It's possible to be gifted money which helps you for multiple weeks. It's possible to be gifted tickets to one of your favorite comedians. It's possible to experience luxury even when your life isn't in a luxurious state. (All of these examples really happened for me.) So by believing great things can happen for you, you open yourself up to them.

Being Present

This lesson is one I've only recently gotten a handle on. Though I've heard some variation of it my whole life. Easily, my biggest flaw/weakness is my overthinking. Though through being present, I can get rid of that flaw and all the challenges that come with it. To quote a famous tortoise "[...]today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

Trust Yourself

You know what's best for you. Past what external voices (associates, society, even those close to you) say, you will know within what is best for you. It's up to you to follow that internal voice/feeling.